Corner Roundup

WUT UP BITCHES?

No, that wasn't a salutation that was "suggested" by one of you (although THANKS to the few of you who have emailed me YOUR greetings - I will use all of them). This one "came to me" all on my own. Lest you be offended, the word "bitch" is now a term of endearment. I know we have discussed this here before at the "Corner," but for those of you who are new (which I am HAPPY to say that there are a few of you), when we use the word "bitch" or in this case "bitches," it is only because we hold you in high regard or esteem. Seriously, or "fo rizzle," but don't do this at work (TRUST me). (Now if we call you a bastard, well, then you probably did something to anger "us," and then we would like you to reflect on just exactly what it was you did. Lastly, if we call you a "DIRTY PUPPY DADDY BASTARD," this is also a term of endearment and we are simply quoting lyrics to one of our favorite songs. No need for alarm and no need to reflect on what you did. Got it?

Here is some quick "entertainment" news for you...

Lindsay Lohan entered rehab today. I hope they throw away the key. Really.

Justin Timberlake (whom we all LOVE here at the "Corner") was spotted "fighting" with ex Cameron Diaz at Prince's Golden Globes after party. We MIGHT have had something to do with it. I think J.T. let Cameron know the real reason for the "split" was "Kev." OK, I dreamt that. Can't fool you, can I? I LOVE dreaming by the way. Gives me something to look forward to. As a matter of fact... Last night I had a dream (true story) about a former boss. It was definitely rated PG-13, possibly R. OK, it was X (it was fabulous, but tasteful). When I woke up this morning, I had to remind myself that the aforementioned boss doesn't really look like he looked in the dream (and probably wouldn't be up on a ladder, naked, in my Spanish villa on Coronado Island either). I am cracking myself up tonight. I can't believe I am sharing this with all of you, again, bitches. Yes, I need a shrink.

Anyhoo... I mentioned above that we have a few new readers (I "pimp" out the site to anyone I think will read it). For this reason, I want to help bring you up to speed and answer a couple of questions I have received...

I write primarily in the first-person singular (I) and plural (we, us, etc.) and third-person ("Kev") because, well, it's fun. It gives the illusion that there really is a staff here, toiling away to bring you this blog, when, in actuality, it's just me. A slightly overweight, bald, but not bitter, almost 40-year-old gay guy. This writing style has confused some people and I have been asked, "Who wrote that?" and "Why do you write that way?" I hope this clears things up for you.

Someone asked just this week, "What is Vicki Allan Syndrome," (or, as we, again, just me, call it "V.A.S."). Vicki Allan is a VERY sweet, charming, cute, now-divorced woman that I met in the 5th grade. While I have not seen her since high school, I hear of her through a friend (whom will remain nameless). Like "Kev," (third-person reference to myself), we (nameless friend and I) can't figure out WHY she is single. By all accounts, she is lovely (like "Kev") and would make someone a GREAT companion. If I were straight (switching back to first-person singular tense), I would call her up myself. I am sure if she were a gay man, she would call me. So, if you suffer from "V.A.S.," like "Kev," it just means you're desperately single for no good reason.

I was also asked just this week, "Who is Tracey? Does she write on your blog?" The answer is... "Tracey" does not exist, even among our fictitious staff, although we were close with a "Stacey" (OK, I am making this up). The very first post explains "Tracey's" origins but I will simply say that I learned that the names "Kevin" and "Tracey" are synonymous with white-trash in England whilst on holiday there last April. I thought this was hysterical and when my friend Jean suggested "Kev's Corner" as the name of this blog, the site HAD to incorporate "Tracey." Also, as an aside, if you are ever in London and get a chance to visit a card shop, the name "Kevin" is VERY common on cards making fun of guys looking like, well, real losers... I bought a handful of them. It is clear to me that they find humor in the name, which is one of my favorite things about myself.

Since I talk about it a lot, I have been asked by a few people recently, "When do you turn 40?" I turn 40 in May and I am going there kicking and screaming (which is typically how I behave anyway).

I was also asked if "L.L." is really my "Land Lord," (or, as I like to call him, "Lady"). YES, "Kev" had a horrible experience owning and selling his own condo here in Atlanta and is currently renting from a super nice (and very cute) guy I dubbed, "Land Lady." He owns this brand new, terrific place in a Midtown high rise that I L-O-V-E, love. The views of the city are amazing, it's just steps to Starbucks and it is a very nice and quiet place to live. Unfortunately, I have had only one out-of-town visitor and I have not had a house warming party (mostly because I don't want to get the place dirty). But I love living here. It is my "sanctuary." Which reminds me... My friend Deborah and I went out to dinner one night not too long ago. At dinner, Deborah asked if I smelled something. We were eating at a bar (albeit, one with GREAT burgers) and all I could smell was cigarette smoke, so I told her "No, I don't smell anything." Anyway, after dinner we came back to my place and it was then Deborah realized she had stepped in, "you-know-what." Instead of helping her clean her shoe, I dismissed her IMMEDIATELY, shouting, "GET OUT!" Yes, I tossed her out like a dog with mange. I made her hop on one foot until she got to the hallway where I promptly handed her her purse. I realize most people would have handled the situation a little bit differently but remember, I'm gay.

Lastly, for questions addressing the blog itself, I did NOT really write Reichen Lehmkuhl a letter. I made that up... Actually, I told "Kitten" that in the original post, I had stated that I had written Reichen a poem but changed it to say "letter" because I didn't want the readers to think I was too gay. She stated, "Oh, you're probably right. I think that might have been a little much. You don't want them to think you are "too" gay..." Like "Princess," "Kitten" has the ability to say a LOT by saying very little. She's a sly one...

So to the "new" readers, THANKS, for your questions AND for stopping in. Please make it a habit.

We (are you catching on now new readers - you know it means just me) want to give a "shout out" or "props" (again, I love "ghetto-speak") to our dear friend DAVID. You might recall that David was cast as one of the leads in a San Francisco musical called "Shopping - The Musical," which is STILL running! The show is about, well, shopping. One of the songs David sings is about his (fictitious) job playing piano at Nordstrom. The song is very funny and paints a less than desirable portrait of the person in this position (although every time I am in Nordstrom, I watch the piano player play and WISH I had that job, no lie!). Anyway, someone from Nordstrom saw the show and has hired David and the cast to perform at a corporate function. David cut his ski trip in Park City short today so he can sing for the top brass at Nordstrom tonight in Seattle. David, we think this is super "exciting" and know you will "wow" them! (I just called David as a matter of fact and he, like a real celebrity, isn't phased and just wants his paycheck.)

Finally, I want to say to my FAVORITE Middle School teacher, alright, she is my favorite teacher of all time, Mrs. S., that we, I, us, basically EVERYONE here at the "Corner" hopes you are feeling better. I still have MANY people I want to share with the "Corner," and Mrs. S. is one of those people. Without going into much detail now, I credit Mrs. S. for teaching me that writing CAN be fun! (I still don't like to read though.) She was, and is, a real "nut" (in the best sense of the word) and after all these years, I have never forgotten her. So, as soon as she signs her release form, I will tell you ALL about her. As you all know, I also think very fondly of another one of my educator's, "Mr. D." who stops in here and has contributed to the "Corner." I was a little bit younger when Mr. D. was my teacher, but he taught me how to be sassy and classy (because that's what he is). So, between the two of them, and life on the street, I've learned everything I need to know. (OK, I never lived on the street, per se, it's simply a metaphor.)

We hope you enjoyed your day! (This post took WAY too long and I missed "American Idol")

"Kev" will be back (late) tomorrow to tell you all about what it was like to kiss Reichen (and be arrested)! I'm hoping to leave with some of his clothing. Wish me luck.

Nite bitches!

"Kev"