Gaiken

Well HELL-O! What are you doing here? (I am trying people...)

It's Sunday and we hope you are enjoying your morning coffee in front of the television or with a newspaper, nestled in the comfort of your home. Unless you don't drink coffee, than we hope you are enjoying your tea. Unless you don't drink tea, than we hope you are enjoying your hot chocolate. Unless you don't drink hot chocolate and you are enjoying a martini. Let us know what you drink on Sunday mornings so we can accurately tell you what we hope you are enjoying! You do have a home, right? Is it a "home" or an apartment? Uptown or downtown? Ah forget it. We could go on and on here.

Reports are that Prince Harry, "Kev's" favorite Prince, may be deployed to Iraq. He is so much cuter than all of the other princes combined, including "Prince," don't you think? You know this kid is wild. We will keep you posted. God-speed Harry!


In yesterday's post, I made reference to Clay Aiken, or as Kathy Griffin says, "Gaiken," and, as a joke, indicated that Clay would be opening for Kenny Chesney's upcoming, "No Way, I Ain't Gay" 2007 tour. (That was brilliant, wasn't it?) First, we DON'T think Kenny Chesney is gay, nor do we care, unless he would like to date, or just sleep with, me. Second, the mere mention of "Clay Aiken" drove traffic to our site and one person, most likely a 14-year-old girl, even emailed me in defense of Clay. Who knew just mentioning the name "Clay Aiken" would generate so much traffic?

To all of the "Claymates," and Clay haters, WELCOME to "Kev's Corner," a blog, like your man Clay, that is very gay! Just for you, here is WITHOUT YOU, a very horrible, very gay, remake of an already very bad and very gay song, from Clay's recent CD, "A Thousand Different Ways," (to say I am gay). I love it.

This is all meant in fun people, so my apologies to you, and Clay, if you are offended. We, of course, don't know Clay personally, and we don't care whether Clay is straight, gay, or ambidextrous. I only wish I could sing HALF as well as Clay does (although, I'd "take it down a notch." It's too over-the-top, Broadway-Gay for me).

The Amazing Race All-Stars premieres tonight on CBS at 8:00 p.m. (ET). The show reunites some of the most memorable, entertaining and controversial teams from previous seasons and sets them on a new adventure of a lifetime. Traveling more than 45,000 miles, spanning 5 continents in 28 days, these teams will pair up for one final trek around the globe as they battle the best of the best in a fierce race to the finish for their second attempt at the million dollar prize. "Kev" simply loves this show. It is "on-the-edge of your seat" excitement. No "HOT Guys" in the cast but there is a midget who is awfully cute! Yes, the photo above is Reichen, my husband and winner of the "Amazing Race IV," taken just this morning here at my home. Alright, I may have dreamt that...

I have mentioned before that one of my favorite books is "Office-Speak," by comedian and book publisher, D.W. Martin. "Office-Speak" is the "the win-win guide to touching base, getting the ball rolling and thinking inside the box," a "tongue-in-cheek guide to dechipering and manipulating the language of the workplace." This book changed my life. It is THAT insightful.

Here is an excerpt from the book that I think is "on the money!"

HOW TO ACT AND SOUND MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU REALLY ARE TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY

Curse. A lot. People who curse are important - it's that simple. They have so much stress in their lives, such incredible responsibility, that the part of their brain that controls vocabulary has to siphon off energy to other parts of the brain, thus leaving them with only a few crude terms at their disposal. If you ask me, "sonofabicth," exclaimed in a drawn out, high pitched whine is the signature call of the king of the business jungle.

Here are a few of the myriad ways in which to pepper your everyday speech with words like "son-of-a-bitch" (and other notable curse words).

--"Sonofabitch, Bill. You told me the numbers would be ready by today. Not to-fuckin'-morrow. Dipshit."

-- "Dammit, Mom, the potatoes are cold. Sonofabitch."

-- "Where the hell is the goddamned paper, Dad? Sonofabitch."

-- "Shit, Grandma, did you see those interest rates? Sonofabitch."

If you talk like this, not only will you intimidate all of your loved ones into not prying further into your desultory career, but you will exude the alpha traits of a true power broker. It's okay to be an asshole, especially when you want to impress friends and family.

THANKS D.W.!

That's it for today boys and girls!

We hope you have a sunny Sunday!

Much love (you "sonofabitches"),

"Kev"