Friday's HOT Guy...

It's FRIDAY y'all! What's up? What's going on? What's happening?

"Kev" feels GR-EAT today. It's a sunny day in the A-T-L, the office closes in about 30 minutes (which is why I am writing this now), I am feeling no side effects from the pinched nerve between my C5 and C6 vertebrae and I have an iced vanilla latte in hand! What more could one want? (Besides the barista who made it - he was sexy!)

I have a confession to make... While once revered as an arch enemy, I have become addicted to Perez Hilton's blog, thanks to the encouragement from Princess, who reads it religiously. I did not like Perez's tactics of "outing" gay celebs who didn't want to be outed, but you know, they aren't fooling anyone anyway, he always gets the "scoop" and is the FIRST to report all of the "goings on" in Hollywood. His stupid doodles and two word captions like, "HELP ME" written across the picture of Britney Spears are even growing on me.

The Spice Girls are launching a tour after a 10-year hiatus. I never really cared for those girls. They are all odd looking to me, especially, and unfortunately, "Posh Spice," aka, Mrs. David Beckham.

Okay, it's FRIDAY and that means it's time to feature another HOT Guy! Does everyone remember the television classic, "Shazam!?" I loved that show, didn't you? Anyways, SHAZAM! is the tale of Billy Baston, a plucky teenager who has been imbued with superpowers and his mentor, Mentor. That's right, his mentor is named Mentor. I don't make this stuff up. Billy and Mentor travel the country in a Winnebago righting wrongs and teaching valuable lessons in 30 minutes or less, or your moral is free.

At the beginning of the episode, Billy is contacted by the Elders, the group of wise immortals who granted him his awesome powers. The Elders are a random grab bag of Greek gods and other historical figures. So we have Zeus, and right next to him we have King Solomon, Hercules, and Atlas. Zeus makes sense. Solomon is a biblical figure, but he's got the whole wisdom thing, so we'll let that slide. Hercules is strong, fine. But Atlas? Atlas holds up the goddamned sky. I don't really think he's qualified to dispense advice.

I should also mention that the Elders are the pinnacle of 1970's special effects. They are just drawings with the mouths animated to move, and for some reason they are out of focus and surrounded by seizure-inducing disco lights. The Elders let Billy know what kind of problem he will help a misguided child with this week and then send him on his way.

Right after this, Billy usually runs into the problem child of the week. This is usually a kid who is lying to impress friends, or hanging out with some bad eggs who like to vandalize the local school. Eventually the stupid child's misguided shenanigans put him into some sort of danger that only SHAZAM! can face. This is where the show goes from "batshit insane" to "Gary Busey" in 60 seconds.

So let's say there's a fire in the school. Billy yells the magic word, SHAZAM!, and one bolt of Zeus's lightning later, he is transformed into a dumpy middle-aged man wearing a costume so heinous that he would get his ass kicked at a gay pride parade.

Now what I am about to tell you is 100 percent true. This actually happened on the show. SHAZAM! walks over to the fence that is chained shut. Rather than flying over the five foot obstacle, he takes about three minutes to break the chain holding the fence shut. He then calls upon the awesome speed of a regular fat guy and runs inside the school like it will be there all day. He encounters the fire, a mighty conflagration that makes a campfire look like a California brushfire. Does he put it out with his ice breath? Does he run around it so fast that the fire is snuffed out? No. He casually grabs the fire extinguisher and puts it out. Now you know why you have never heard of this superhero.

Once the danger subsides, the errant child learns that starting fires at school is decidedly not groovy, and everyone has a good laugh. Then it's back in the Winnebago for more adventure next week. Believe it or not, this show was on for three seasons.

SHAZAM! truly is a television classic that time forgot. Watch it today! You’ll thank me afterwards.

And that's today's HOT Guy...

Bye y'all. Have a good weekend.

"Kev"