Nobody Knows I'm Gay (Except You)

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? Don't cha? (I'm just asking. Mainly because I am running out of salutations and that song, by the Pussycat Dolls, is playing on my iPod at this VERY moment!)

It's SATURDAY people! Welcome BACK! How is EVERYONE to-day? Anyone hung-over? (Just checkin'.)

It's a BEAUTIFUL day here in Atlanta (a little on the muggy side).

I have to admit, I have not been following anything in the news this past week, so I can't comment on much. (That's what CNN and People Magazine are for, right?)


Earlier in the week I told you that I was docked 6 "GP's" last weekend. I thought I would explain (I am still laughing about it). If you are a regular reader here at "The Corner," you know that a handful of "Kev's" friends from high school "stop in" here (I love all of these bitches). This includes "Princess," "Sar," "Mr. C.," and "Jean" (that's her real name so the quotes probably aren't necessary). Any one of these people will tell you that we went to high school with several people who turned up "gay." I was very proud of the fact that I led the way, being the first in a group of about 5 or 6 to "come out." (Remember, I am always first. At everything.) A couple are still in the "closet" although they are far more "fabulous" than me, i.e., not fooling anyone. HOWEVER, since that time (a long, long time ago), I have been told on occasion that I am not "gay enough." (Can you imagine that?) Straights expect their gay to be fun, fabulous, and in-the-know about all things fashion, food and "kitch." As I have said before, it's a LOT of pressure. Last weekend I was a real let down, not once, but twice. My "gay card" was almost revoked. It's true, I have no sense of fashion and am most comfortable in a hat, or "cap" (as Deborah would say). I don't like to exercise (even at the "gay" gym). I can't cook. I only saw "Dreamgirls" once. I DON'T like Barbra Streisand. I can't multitask and am easily distracted/don't pay attention most of the time when people talk to me. By some standards, including "Princess's," not a very good gay. I admit, I am not "all-the-way-gay" (which is what I call those guys who embrace their gayness and live their gay lives to the fullest. You've seen them. You know who they are. They say things like, "Oh my God, TINA!" (Even if your name isn't Tina.)


To make matters worse, our very own "Sar" was friends with Sean Hayes ("Jack McFarland," you know, "Just Jack") from "Will & Grace," who grew up in a neighboring town and is said to be JUST LIKE his character. That gay set the baton so high, no one is as fabulous as he is. I simply can't compete. For those of you who live in the Chicago area, you've seen his picture up at "Portillo's" (the best hot dog place EVER). I'm gay. I want my picture up there too.

Anyhoo, last weekend "Kev" turned up at the "W" with not one, but two holes in his sock. "Princess" was stunned. Shocked. It was VERY upsetting for her. She had to look away. It was at that time she penalized me, docking me 6 "GP's" (yes, that means "gay points," a term "Princess" coined). Then, to add insult to injury, "Kev" could not discern between the 5 shades of pink "L'il Princess" or "Princess Jr." ("Princess's" 12-year-old daughter, whom I L-O-V-E, love) adorned on her finger nails. When asked my opinion, I replied, "Well, you know, I like them all." A typically STRAIGHT, heterosexual male response to which "Princess" replied, "What kind of gay are you?" I knew I had let her down. While ALL of my friends are FABULOUS (it's true), "Princess" is the MOST fabulous. Her idol is Kate Spade. She wears Jimmy Choos. Her wit is quick. Her home is impeccable. She's a master in the kitchen (and I can only assume the bedroom as well). She deserves a "Jack McFarland," Paul Lynde or Carson Kressley in her life. Most of my life, I have tried to emulate my idea of masculinity (I know, falling short a lot of the time). This week, however, I have been working super hard to up the "fabulous factor" and earn back some "GP's" in the eyes of my beloved friend. I told her all about the new Stevie Nicks tee-shirt I acquired that reads, "The Boots Are Back!" (This has to earn me a point or two, right? I agreed to wear it out and be photographed in it for extra credit.) I even asked the sales lady if she thought the shirt was "gay." When she said yes, I replied, "Super! I'll take it."


I will end this post with the following quote (that I swiped from Reichen's MySpace page)...

"If you haven't the strength to impose your own terms upon life, you must accept the terms it offers you - T.S. Elliot"

(Seems like it fits today, right? Was T.S. gay? HOT?)

To "Princess," as always, thanks for making me laugh (and for helping me to be the BEST gay I can be). I "heart" you...

To the rest of my FABULOUS friends, I hope you have a super FABULOUS day. You're GORGEOUS! BEAUTIFUL! And FABULOUS. Did I mention PRETTY! (I'm tryin'!)

Much love,

"Kev"

"Kev" and "Jean," circa a long time ago. (Unlike my hair, I still have this shirt. The glasses weren't "real" either. I thought they made me look "smart.")


Finally...