Saturday, June 16, 2007

Nobody Knows I'm Gay (Except You)


Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? Don't cha? (I'm just asking. Mainly because I am running out of salutations and that song, by the Pussycat Dolls, is playing on my iPod at this VERY moment!)

It's SATURDAY people! Welcome BACK! How is EVERYONE to-day? Anyone hung-over? (Just checkin'.)

It's a BEAUTIFUL day here in Atlanta (a little on the muggy side).

I have to admit, I have not been following anything in the news this past week, so I can't comment on much. (That's what CNN and People Magazine are for, right?)


Earlier in the week I told you that I was docked 6 "GP's" last weekend. I thought I would explain (I am still laughing about it). If you are a regular reader here at "The Corner," you know that a handful of "Kev's" friends from high school "stop in" here (I love all of these bitches). This includes "Princess," "Sar," "Mr. C.," and "Jean" (that's her real name so the quotes probably aren't necessary). Any one of these people will tell you that we went to high school with several people who turned up "gay." I was very proud of the fact that I led the way, being the first in a group of about 5 or 6 to "come out." (Remember, I am always first. At everything.) A couple are still in the "closet" although they are far more "fabulous" than me, i.e., not fooling anyone. HOWEVER, since that time (a long, long time ago), I have been told on occasion that I am not "gay enough." (Can you imagine that?) Straights expect their gay to be fun, fabulous, and in-the-know about all things fashion, food and "kitch." As I have said before, it's a LOT of pressure. Last weekend I was a real let down, not once, but twice. My "gay card" was almost revoked. It's true, I have no sense of fashion and am most comfortable in a hat, or "cap" (as Deborah would say). I don't like to exercise (even at the "gay" gym). I can't cook. I only saw "Dreamgirls" once. I DON'T like Barbra Streisand. I can't multitask and am easily distracted/don't pay attention most of the time when people talk to me. By some standards, including "Princess's," not a very good gay. I admit, I am not "all-the-way-gay" (which is what I call those guys who embrace their gayness and live their gay lives to the fullest. You've seen them. You know who they are. They say things like, "Oh my God, TINA!" (Even if your name isn't Tina.)


To make matters worse, our very own "Sar" was friends with Sean Hayes ("Jack McFarland," you know, "Just Jack") from "Will & Grace," who grew up in a neighboring town and is said to be JUST LIKE his character. That gay set the baton so high, no one is as fabulous as he is. I simply can't compete. For those of you who live in the Chicago area, you've seen his picture up at "Portillo's" (the best hot dog place EVER). I'm gay. I want my picture up there too.

Anyhoo, last weekend "Kev" turned up at the "W" with not one, but two holes in his sock. "Princess" was stunned. Shocked. It was VERY upsetting for her. She had to look away. It was at that time she penalized me, docking me 6 "GP's" (yes, that means "gay points," a term "Princess" coined). Then, to add insult to injury, "Kev" could not discern between the 5 shades of pink "L'il Princess" or "Princess Jr." ("Princess's" 12-year-old daughter, whom I L-O-V-E, love) adorned on her finger nails. When asked my opinion, I replied, "Well, you know, I like them all." A typically STRAIGHT, heterosexual male response to which "Princess" replied, "What kind of gay are you?" I knew I had let her down. While ALL of my friends are FABULOUS (it's true), "Princess" is the MOST fabulous. Her idol is Kate Spade. She wears Jimmy Choos. Her wit is quick. Her home is impeccable. She's a master in the kitchen (and I can only assume the bedroom as well). She deserves a "Jack McFarland," Paul Lynde or Carson Kressley in her life. Most of my life, I have tried to emulate my idea of masculinity (I know, falling short a lot of the time). This week, however, I have been working super hard to up the "fabulous factor" and earn back some "GP's" in the eyes of my beloved friend. I told her all about the new Stevie Nicks tee-shirt I acquired that reads, "The Boots Are Back!" (This has to earn me a point or two, right? I agreed to wear it out and be photographed in it for extra credit.) I even asked the sales lady if she thought the shirt was "gay." When she said yes, I replied, "Super! I'll take it."


I will end this post with the following quote (that I swiped from Reichen's MySpace page)...

"If you haven't the strength to impose your own terms upon life, you must accept the terms it offers you - T.S. Elliot"

(Seems like it fits today, right? Was T.S. gay? HOT?)

To "Princess," as always, thanks for making me laugh (and for helping me to be the BEST gay I can be). I "heart" you...

To the rest of my FABULOUS friends, I hope you have a super FABULOUS day. You're GORGEOUS! BEAUTIFUL! And FABULOUS. Did I mention PRETTY! (I'm tryin'!)

Much love,

"Kev"

"Kev" and "Jean," circa a long time ago. (Unlike my hair, I still have this shirt. The glasses weren't "real" either. I thought they made me look "smart.")


Finally...

11 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

AND...that may be the freakin' funniest/weirdest/most disturbing video i've ever seen! where do you find this stuff??

7:31 PM  
Blogger Kev said...

You crack me up! (Isn't The Police concert tonight?!;) I found that video all by myself! I love it! (Hope Ro wasn't in the room...) The socks were pretty bad...I was a little embarrassed. I looked like a homeless gay. "Princess" and I never miss an opportunity to spar with one another, but it's always done in love and I know I am her favorite gay, even if I don't wear Prada. A woman I work with also tells me I am not gay enough and I am "just like her husband" (because I don't listen to her). Yes, you have seen my gay side (almost crying after meeting Stevie Nicks, among many, many other things I am sure...)I hope you all are having a GREAT weekend! Kisses!

7:52 PM  
Blogger Kev said...

Oh, I do wish my "inner gay" didn't enjoy food so much... I envy these little twinks that work out every day and eat about 300 calories. I WISH I would have at least gotten that benefit of being gay. Love ya!

7:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're funny as heck, Kev! I think you should have your own TV talk show (titled Kev's Corner, of course :-) Just think- you could have all the Friday Hot Guys as guest stars!
Love Ya!
-Aunt Edith
xoxo

8:17 PM  
Blogger Kev said...

AE! hee hee! I am glad you enjoy "stoppin' in" here... I am the LEAST "funny" in our family (or among my friends, who are all nuts), so I l-u-v that people read this silly stuff! How is Sheena? I saw a book today that I almost picked up for you... I hope you have a GREAT weekend!
Hugs and kisses to you.

8:28 PM  
Blogger Kev said...

P.S. Did you see the video? That cracked me up..

8:29 PM  
Blogger Kev said...

OH, I completly forgot to mention... You see "Jack's" Cher doll, right? "Kev" has a Stevie Nicks dolls! When I get that picture in the "The Boots Are Back" shirt, I will hold little Stevie. Maybe I will take little Stevie to the "club" with me as well. My GP's will be off the charts!

9:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kev- I must agree with Kitten, the picture on this post says it all. ;-) It's pride week bitch, you should gain lost of GP's this week. I'm gaining mine on Thursday at the True Colors Tour. Of course, I'll be with the common folk and not on the front row. Still, I will gain GPs for Margaret Cho, Lauper, Erasure, Debbie Harry, and the Dresden Dolls. I'm sure we will both get some over the weekend. IF you need a hint on a few extras, go see Funny Girl at Screen on the Green Thursday followed by Sorid Lives and Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil (hosted by Leslie Jordan and Lady Chamblis) on Friday. That's at least three points. Have a great week and Happy Pride. :-)

11:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, that last message is from Mr. P a/k/a "Dancing Queen" for the week. ;-)

11:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm sooo jealous of anyone going to see a True Colors show!! the tour isn't coming to Phoenix. i should gone to see it in Vegas last week...but what teacher lives on that budget?? sniff...

1:40 AM  
Blogger Kev said...

That's some pretty gay activities you have planned Mr. P.!
Kitten, Screen On The Green is FREE, so all that gayness doesn't cost a thing. (Not sure about the True Colors ticket...)
Kisses!
P.S. WHERE'S PRINCESS!?; I would have thought she would have weighed in...XOXO

8:45 AM  

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