My Friend Terry

Happy Wednesday from all of us here at "Kev's Corner!"

The last few posts have been a little "emotional" for "Kev"...My Grandfather who is no longer with us, the possibility of being ousted from my uber cool apartment and talk of devastating hurricanes (OK, that wasn't too emotional for me... While I am very sorry for the people impacted, I have always found natural disasters FASCINATING, although an unfortunate part of life on our planet).

Today I would like to pay tribute to my friend, Terry, who passed away one year ago this month. While I could write about how sad I was when Terry died, Terry would be the first to prefer to be remembered for the kind, fun-loving guy he was.

I was introduced to Terry by my BFF (best friends forever), June, (whom you will be learning about in a future post - she's a lamb, or as I call her, "Kitten," not to be confused with the "original" "Kitten" in Phoenix, who is also a BFF. Actually, the "Kittens" are not really my BFF's - they are more like family, like JoAnn, whom I call "Princess." Are you confused yet?) Anyway, June is BFF (but really like family) with Renee who was BFF with Terry. I know, it gets complicated with so many BFF's, "Kittens" and "Princesses" (that are all like family)...

Terry, at least outwardly, was the OPPOSITE of "Kev"... Very outgoing and engaging. June and I would say that Terry would "hold court" meaning he usually had the attention on an entire room while entertaining them with his musings. Everybody was drawn to him, including "Kev." The very first night I met Terry, he disclosed that he was HIV-positive. I replied by telling him, "I wear a toupee," (which I have since ditched) because I felt I needed to disclose something as equally personal. (We laughed about that later...) Terry was not ashamed of who he was and I really respected that about him. His neighbors all knew, "When Whitney's rockin', don't come knockin'" (an actual quote from Terry).

Terry often called me (and others) "sweetie" and I would get VERY embarrassed. Terry called one night and asked if I wanted to spend a day at the spa. I said "sure" so Terry promptly arranged a three-way call with Spa Sydell (a sort of upscale place here in Atlanta). Terry informed the person on the phone that we wanted the "works" i.e., facials, manicures, massages and anything else on the menu. When the reservationist asked if we preferred male or female therapists, Terry quickly replied, "Male, of course!" When the reservationist relayed who was available, Terry asked for their descriptions. The person on the phone said, "Sir, we are NOT that kind of place." (I was DYING...It was VERY funny.) When Terry was told he would be with "Sandy" he got a little upset and said, "Sandy doesn't sound like a male to me." The guy on the phone assured Terry that "Sandy" was in fact a male. I jumped in and said I would take "Sandy" and didn't care if "Sandy" was male or female. The guy then asked if we wanted a "couples" massage and Terry quickly replied "YES, we want the couples massage!" (although we weren't a "couple"). Anyway, we arrived the next day and waited in anticipation to see who our "therapists" were. "Sandy" came out first and was a HOT, 6'2", blond, blue eyed guy from Sweden (accent to boot) and then Terry's "therapist" came out who I think was named, "Raul." I reminded Terry that he did not want "Sandy" and told him "no trades."

Terry, like "Kev," was also a LeAnn Rimes fan. A group of friends, including "Kitten" and Terry saw LeAnn at Chastain Park, a really "neat" music venue where people bring wine and cheese, candles, etc., as they enjoy music under the stars. Terry was in usual rare form, the center of attention. A man behind us asked if we had a light and Terry replied, "Honey, we are all FLAMES at this table." (I almost DIED but that's one reason I adored Terry so much.) When LeAnn performed, "Can't Fight The Moonlight," Terry removed his shirt, swung it around his head and danced in the rain. (I heard this song the VERY night Terry died and took this as a "sign" from above.) The photo above was taken at the LeAnn Rimes concert, in the rain.

I was fortunate to do many things with Terry in the last couple months of his life, which I, oddly enough, didn't even expect was coming. We knew Terry had cancer and the chemo he received "ravaged" his body.

I was lucky enough to see Terry almost the ENTIRE weekend before he died. We rented the last season of "Queer As Folk" and watched back to back episodes Friday and Saturday night. I never once asked him how he was feeling and we never talked about his HIV (I really don't know why). Like always, Terry walked me to my car, hugged me and said, "Bye Sweetie!" and I never saw him again. Terry died later that week.

Terry's family held a funeral just two days after he died which only certain friends were invited to because they had a difficult time accepting Terry's "lifestyle" ("Kev" was not one of those invited...) At the time, this was upsetting to me because I wanted to say "goodbye" as well. The family emptied the contents of his condo in a nanosecond. I was, however, able to salvage Terry's bathroom soap dispenser from the remains. It was filled with grapefruit scented soap and I keep it as a memento.

About one month after Terry died, his friends arranged a memorial service for him which was held at Terry's club house. It was quite a spectacle - just what Terry would have wanted. The number of people present was a testament to the kind of person and friend Terry was. Terry personally selected the music and those friends he wanted to speak. We shared stories of our times with Terry and released white balloons (and a couple butterflies). On this warm night, we said farewell to our friend.

Without getting even MORE "emotional" (because nobody likes an emotional gay guy), let me just say I believe in cycles. Sunrise and sunset. Beginnings and endings. EVERYTHING for a purpose. With that said, I was back at Chastain Park last night (I even called June from the parking lot who knew the significance), another warm evening where I hadn't been since one year ago, almost to the day, with Terry and friends. It was a great way to bring closure to missing and mourning (although I STILL miss Terry deeply) and to welcome new friendship.

To Renee - Not one visit with Terry went by without mention of you and how much you meant to him. Thank you for sharing your BFF with me. I know you miss him. I can only imagine that he is in "Heaven" entertaining those around him...

Click HERE to watch LeAnn Rimes perform the "slow" version of "Can't Fight The Moonlight" and, in honor of Terry, please feel free to remove your shirt, swing it around your head, and dance, unless you are at the office of course...

Dinner With Deb(orah)

"Kev" mentioned in a previous post that he often, as a young gay man, would relate significant life experiences to certain Stevie Nicks songs. (Isn't this "dramatic?") Turns out, even as an old(er) man, he still does this and today is no exception...

In "No Spoken Word," (from 1985's "Rock A Little") Stevie sings of "that August dark, dark day - with the wind and the rain and the water." Seems appropriate on this first anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, which touched land in the U.S. in the early morning hours of August 29th, 2005.

As everyone knows, the impact and devastation of Hurricane Katrina was TREMENDOUS. While our hearts here at "Kev's Corner" (OK, there is only one heart here, mine) go out to everyone impacted, today's post will not be about Katrina and her aftermath, but about my Atlanta-based friend, Deborah, who was born and raised in New Orleans.

Deborah asked that I protect her anonymity, so in honoring that request, I will simply refer to her as "Deb" for the remainder of this post (that should do it, don't you think, "Deb?"). The photo above is also NOT "Deb" but a gal who looks suspiciously LIKE "Deb...

Deborah (damn it, I mean "Deb") and I met in April of 2005 while working for the same company. Deb is a former professional figure skater and even skated for the "Ice Capades." (Isn't that EXCITING!) I told her that among the gays, she is "royalty" like Elton John, the Queer Eye Guys, Kathy Griffin, and of course, "Kev" (OK, I made that last one up). Deb has shared the "Behind the Music" version of this seemingly delightful life experience that makes Tonya Harding look like Dakota Fanning.

Deb and "Kev" have dinner together a couple of times each week, our own supper club, of sorts, so she knew she would appear on "Kev's Corner" at one time or another. While I would like to share "Deb's Secrets" (they are far more interesting), I can tell you that Deb and I often talk about work (how to escape the rat race), and matters of the heart (i.e., guys that have crushed our hearts or stolen our wallets). Deb has noticed that "Kev" most always wears his "cap" (or uniform, as Deb calls it) when he is not working. Deb suggested we open a new club called "CAPS" where all patrons are required to where a hat. We tossed about the idea of themed nights where customers would wear a certain type of hat, such as a beret on "French Night" or yamaca on "Jewish Night"... Deb would (wo)man the door and when someone would appear without a cap, thus violating the dress code, Deb would kindly suggest, "Perhaps you would feel more comfortable in this," as she handed them a cap ("Kev" thought that was brilliant and STILL laughs at Deb saying this..). We think the concept is winning and are currently seeking investors.

Deb also likes to shop (notice her in front of Tiffany's New York with the big grin on her face).

Deb is also a HUGE animal lover and is "mom" to her Labrador, Avery. Or, to protect his anonymity, "Bo Bavery" (I LOVED the "Name Game" didn't you? SHIRLEY! Shirley, Shirley, mo ver ey, fin nana rama bo ver ey, mi my mo ver ey, SHIRLEY! I am not sure if I am remembering this correctly, but it also reminds me of my third grade teacher, Mrs. Shirley True. I remember her asking me to do something once and I replied, "Surely, Shirley!" She didn't appreciate my clever use of alliteration and sent me to the hall. Shirley, I learned, has since passed away, but I STILL think about her whenever I play the "Name Game," which, is well, never. LINCOLN!

To Deb - Thank you for being a friend... All of us here at "Kev's Corner" (again, just me) are sorry that Hurricane Katrina destroyed your childhood home and hometown.

As I often tell you...

"If you wake up and don't want to smile, if it takes just a little while, open your eyes and look at the day, you will see things in a different way. Don't stop thinking about tomorrow, Deborah. Don't stop, it will soon be here. It will be here, better than before. Yesterday's gone, yes, yesterday is gone. Why not think about times to come. If your life was bad to you, just think what tomorrow will do. All I want is to see YOU smile, Deborah. If it takes just a little while. I know you don't believe that it's true. Hurricane Katrina never meant any harm to you. Don't you look back."

(Courtesy of Fleetwood Mac's, "Don't Stop")

Frank & Violet

Hey everybody! I hope you are enjoying your Sunday, wherever you are. It is sunny and 85 degrees here in "HOT-lanta" with the winds blowing from the south at 5 m.p.h. (that's TRUE too - I checked the weather moments ago before logging on).

Today is a "special" day here at "Kev's Corner." A day of rememberance and gratitude. Those of you who know "Kev" know the immense love and appreciation "Kev" has for his Grandparents, Frank and Violet. Honestly, "Kev" would not be the "fabulous" person that he is without the love and acceptance they have given me throughout my life. To me, they are "rock stars" (without the crazy antics, endless sex capades and drug abuse that often plagues rock stars...).

Let me tell you a little bit about Violet... First, however, there would be no "Kev" if it weren't for Violet. You might be reading "Michael," "James" "David" or "Linda's" Corner (all popular choices back in 1967). In our (OK, "my") maiden post, we, again, I, gave credit to London-based friend, Jean, for naming "Kev's Corner" (thanks mate). However, the credit should actually be given to (or at least equally shared with) Violet... Sorry Jean. "Kev" giveth and "Kev" taketh away. You see, my Grandma selected BOTH my first and middle names, which is just quite special to me.

Violet is one of the smartest, cutest, most talented people I know (and I am not just saying that because she is my Grandma and also makes the best fudge in the world... It is all true and can be substantiated). When I was "Little Kev" (yes, that was actually a childhood nickname of mine but please do not start calling me that, I am, after all, almost 40, overweight and bald, so it would just be cruel) it was Grandma who cared for me for my first year of life. Thanks Grandma. I had F-U-N! Violet has a quick wit and WICKED sense of humor ("Kev" can't compete with Violet in the "funny" department and thinks she should create a blog of her own.) Violet's life wasn't always easy and glamorous although she encompasses "glamour" to me. Having grown up in an orphanage outside of Chicago and then raising children, primarily on her own, she has managed to stay upbeat. She is, seriously, a Scrabble Champion and knows words the common person, like "Kev," has never even heard of. She also taught herself to play the accordian and the organ. She can house break a puppy in about an hour and teach a bird to speak three different languages in just three days. She is simply amazing. Grandma also appreciates a handsome man and I believe saw "The Sting" 137 times.

These days, you can find Violet online, selling her wares on eBay (she is a "Power Seller" I believe, which is the highest honor bestowed in the eBay community) or at the local casino where she loves the slots (and often wins).

Next up, Frank... Like Violet, I was also close with my Grandfather, who passed away, sadly, in November of 2000. Frank was born into a large Italian family in Chicago. He was affectionately known as "Uncle Frank" and then later, "Grandpa." Even our friends called him "Grandpa." Frank and Violet met shortly after WWII. Frank drove a cab and then was a refrigeration and heating maintenance man for most of his career, until he stopped working due to his MS. When I was young, I spent many weekends with my Grandfather - he always made me laugh. He had a very silly sense of humor and was a very kind man.

Both of my Grandparents often took me to their places of work. My Grandfather told me I would be no good with my hands and that I should pursue work in an office (i.e., he was telling me "you're gay"). I should tell you that my Grandfather was the first person I "disclosed" my "homo" sexuality to (most people would have thought it was JoAnn - she was second). Yes, you might not believe this, but there was a time I did NOT want to be a fabulous, witty gay guy (it's a lot of pressure). I wanted a "normal" life (you know, multiple marriages, nasty divorces, children I would probably just mess up, etc..). Good times. Anyway, my Grandfather's response was very simple. While he did not want me to have a difficult life, he knew "Kev" did not choose this, and like everyone else in his life, just wanted me to have happiness (and then he asked me to make him a sandwich and reminded me not to forget the mustard). My Grandpa liked the ladies. Remember this famous Farah Fawcett poster? My Grandfather had this hanging in his bedroom at one time (I think that's cool)...



You might be wondering why "Kev" is writing about this today (do I have to keep putting "Kev" in quotes since it is actually my name) ? It's actually very simple. Today would have been my Grandfather's 82nd birthday. Since both of my Grandparents are on my mind today, I thought it best to forego the standard "HOT Guy" fare and write about something far more important to me than even, yes, Ricky Martin or Stevie Nicks.

To my Grandmother, Violet, thank you for being the BEST Grandmother a guy could ever have. You are loved tremendously...

To my Grandfather, Frank, you are missed but never forgotten...



"Kev" and Violet in the late '80's

"Kev's" Post Script:

I wanted to share the email my Grandmother sent after reading this post. She is truly the "coolest" Grandmother, ever... We actually email one another quite often and what she does not know is that I save every email she sends. They are priceless and I re-read them at times when I want to laugh. I have decided to add a segment, with her permission, entitled, "Email From G-Ma." Anyway, this was her (very touching) reply...

I have had "Kev's Corner" bookmarked and I read what you wrote today. I appreciate all the nice things you have said about me in your BLOG sweetheart but loving you came natural to me! I remember when I would lift you from your crib and just sit in the living room holding you. You are still that beautiful little boy to me.

Yep, this is your Grandpa's birthday today and I thought of him too. He was about the most soft-hearted and kind person I ever knew also. I hope he is at peace and without pain now. I think of him often too, not only on his birthday.

Stay as sweet as you have always been Honey. Don't let the cruel world change anything about you. I love you very much.

Your G-Ma xoxoxoxoxoxoxox :-)

The Mystery of Syndactyly

The votes are in people... "Kev" said, "You Choose..." and you did!

The topic that garnered the votes (3), was "Puppies - Why So Cute?" However, "Kev" does not want to write about puppies today and will write about puppies tomorrow, if he feels like it ("Kev" is moody). You see, I don't really know why they are so cute or why we love their breath so much - they're just made that way so people will buy them (like children). I honestly can't believe this is the topic that drew the most votes... Although, I will say this - I think it is absolutely HIS-terical that people are now paying big bucks for breeds that were formerly considered mutts, that you can, and should, pick up at a pound, which are often NOT cute when fully grown, like most former child stars like the kid from "Sixth Sense" who was just busted for DUI.

Straight Steve down the hall has a blind Labrador/Basset Hound mix that he has labeled a "Bassador," (or some other really bogus, dumb ass, made up breed). I told him if it weren't blind, he could probably get $1,500 for it. As it is now, he has to drag it everywhere, no lie, so its diminished value is approximately $.50 (fiddy cent).

Anyhoo - the topic for today is, "The Mystery of Syndactyly," simply because I really like the sound of this title. Full of suspense, isn't it?

Lest you think I am writing about an unsolved murder in upstate New York, Syndactyly is a medical mystery (yes, I mean unfortunate genetic flaw) where the second and third toes remain fused during inutero fetal development, instead of separating, producing a "webbing" effect that remains with a person throughout their life. 1 in every 2,000 people have this including Ashton Kutcher (who is also a really cute puppy), Dan Akroid, Melanie Griffith, Don Johnson, Heather Locklear, "Kev" (yes, it's true), Thomas Jefferson, Donald Duck, Abe Lincoln, Monica Lewinsky, Brad Pitt, Lance Armstrong, Bette Davis, the entire cast of "Saved By The Bell," that girl who fell in the well 20 years ago, my neighbor, Steve (and his "Bassador"). OK, I can only confirm 3 people on this list but I am too busy today to be bothered with facts and research, so you are just going to have to trust me on this.

The point of this post is to heighten awareness surrounding "Syndactyly." Those who suffer from Syndactyly are people just like you and me. They can't help it. Really. Now while I would like to post pictures of this medical phenomenon, again, genetic mishap, they are too graphic and unappealing to display, like conjoined twins (I know, I crossed a line..) to display here on "Kev's Corner." Instead, please enjoy these pictures of puppies!

Friday's HOT Guy...

They don't get much HOTTER than this...

This week's "HOT Guy" is Sweden's cheeky little monkey, Karl "Freddie" Ljungberg. Freddie, as you know, is most famous as the captain of London's Arsenal soccer team. Freddie is also a Calvin Klein underwear model that "Kev" thinks is H-O-T, HOT!

Some Freddie "facts" -

Date of Birth: 16 April 1977 (That's how they write dates in London...)
Birthplace: Vittsjo, Sweden (That's HOT...)
Nationality: Swedish (a.k.a "dreamy")
Height: (5'9" - same as "Kev")
Weight: 75 kg (I don't know what this is in pounds?)
Eyes: Blue (sigh...)
Hair: Brown ("Kev" had brown hair once)
Residence: London (he's killin' me...)
Marital Status: Single (he looks really gay to me...I love him...)

To Freddie, THANKS for being so damn HOT!

Life's A Drag (Sometimes...)

Hey kids, "Hump Day" is here - we are inching closer to Friday's HOT Guy (and, of course, the weekend)...

"Kev" didn't have such a good day today... While I promised you, the reader, that "Kev's Corner" would be a "happy" place, I have to tell you, I lied...

Tonight, "Kev's Corner" is a very DARK, unhappy, ill-fated place (very dramatic, yes, I know). You should just leave now and check out the blog next door (she critiques restaurants in Beijing and often has really "yummy" recipes you might enjoy).

You see, some sad news came down from the land lady, who I simply call "Land Lady," that she (OK, "he") wants to SELL the place I haven't finished moving into yet. I guess a 12 month lease isn't valid if you get an offer on your property , according to Land Lady... By way of this post, I am seeking legal counsel from my attorney, Master P. Master (first, what's up, bro?) your skills/expertise may come in handy... We will take her (I mean him) to trial, you know, sue the "biatch," and I will finally get to proclaim, "Order in the court! Order in this mother-father friggin court!" (I may even use the real words...)

"Kev" hasn't had a chance to write about the new "crib," which is in Atlanta's gay epicenter, within walking distance of many fine homo establishments including, "Universal Gear," "Bulldogs," and the "Outwrite Bookstore." Before the rug is pulled out from under me (which is simply a metaphor since I don't own any rugs due to allergies), let me tell you that this building is a gay man's paradise. The gay to straight ratio is 137:1 (I confirmed this with the sales office before moving in). Oddly enough, the one "friend" I have made so far is the straight guy, Steve, who lives down the hall. I told him that I know LOTS of gay "Steves" but not one straight one. Anyway, the elevators smell like an Abercrombie & Fitch store and most of the residents here (except "Kev") look like Abercrombie & Fitch models, including straight Steve... Television monitors throughout the building play MTV all day and all night. (We LOVE us some Jessica Simpson.) Themed poolside activities here include, "Miami Nights," "White Party," "Who's Your Daddy," "What's That Smell," "Does This Go With My Shoes," and "Anyone For Sex By The Pool." (I was the only one to show up that night...) Not to mention the city view from 27 stories up. Simply breath taking.



You get the point... This place couldn't be gayer if fairies, in drag, riding pink unicorns greeted you at the door singing "Gypsys, Tramps & Thieves." "Kev" does not want to move...

Say a gay little prayer for "Kev" tonight and "curses" to Land Lady.

"Kev's" Post Script:
Land Lady called and said "not to worry...not accepting offer to sell." Thanks for your prayers and curses. They worked. And to those who thought the photo above was Stevie Nicks, you are NOT invited to the house warming party...

You Choose

Happy Tuesday from all of us here at "Kev's Corner." We hope your day was a pleasant one.

Tonight is the very first installment of a segment we (I) call "You Choose." "Kev" will provide five topics and then, by way of YOUR vote, will write about whichever topic receives the MOST votes. You may also vote as many times s you would like, or simply say, "put me down for 15 votes on #3" (we're a little lax on rules here).

Isn't this EXCITING kids?

Here are your choices...

#1) Webbed Toes - The Mystery of Syndactyly

#2) Mermen, Fairies & Other Really Gay Art

#3) "One Uppers" - The Phenomenon of the Know-It-All

#4) Puppies - Why So Cute?

and finally,

#5) Why We Love Grandma

OK, it's up to you (just like "American Idol" and "Dancing With The Stars" - without any celebrities or cash prizes...).

Cast your votes. Poll results will be revealed in an upcoming installment.

Andy Roddick

Hey you! Yes, you! Thanks for stopping in at "Kev's Corner." We're glad you're here...

We (I mean "I") thought we (I mean "I") would chat about some recent stories that have made the headlines over the past few days...They are all, oddly enough, "dick" related (sorry to offend).

First(ly), have you heard about the judge from Bristow, OK, who was sentenced on Friday for four counts of indecent exposure in his court room? Judge Donald Thompson was given a "penis pump" as a gift and apparently liked it - a LOT. He used it daily while presiding over his cases. (I can tell you, I was a college intern at the local state's attorney's office and those trials do get B-O-R-I-N-G.) According to the AP, his former court reporter, Lisa Foster, testified at his trial that she saw Thompson expose himself at least 15 times between 2001 and 2003. Foster told authorities that she saw Thompson use the device almost daily during the August 2003 murder trial of a man accused of shaking a toddler to death. (Here's my favorite part of the story...) A "whooshing" sound could be heard on Foster's audiotape of the trial. Police built a case against the judge after a police office testifying in a 2003 murder trial saw a piece of plastic tubing disappear under Thompson's robe. During a lunch break, officers took photographs of the pump under the desk. Investigators later checked the carpet, Thompson's robes and the chair behind the bench and found semen, according to court records.

Second(ly), have you heard about the 24-year-old man in New Delhi who is undergoing surgery to correct hi "diphallus?" Diphallus is developmental anomaly resulting in the duplication of the penis. In short, the guy has not one, but TWO penises (that both work)! Most guys "Kev" knows can't muster up one working penis (sorry guys). This is one lucky bastard. I can honestly say, if I had an extra penis, I would keep it.

Third(ly), did you watch the "Teen Choice Awards" on Fox last night? Can I just say, "train wreck." Britney couldn't have been more "country" in her short, low-cut dress, trademark gum, and Elvira-like hair. If I could have reached through the television set, I would have shook her. Gently, of course, the bitch IS pregnant after all. I used to love her music and still exercise, OK, drink to it. K-Fed came on and rapped something so inappropriate that every third word was "bleeped," again, this was the "Teen Choice Awards." Nice going asshole.

Last(ly), did you hear that Andy Roddick won some real important tennis match yesterday (had something to do with the upcoming U.S. Open in Flushing, NY). "Kev" isn't a sports gay, so I can't elaborate, however, I LOVE Andy Roddick. Andy will be 25 next week, during the U.S. Open, as well. To Andy, CONGRATS on your victory (whatever it was). (GO ANDY!)

To learn all about Andy, visit his official website at www.andyroddick.com.

"Kev's" Post Script:
If you visit Andy's site, you will see that his biggest "pet peeve" is when he is trying to get off an elevator whilst others are getting on, disobeying the unwritten elevator law. Andy quips, "where were these people born, in a barn?" I guess he thinks Jesus would do this too. Oddly enough, "Kev" had an elevator incident today...The elevator door opened (the one I needed to board) so I politely yielded while waiting for two bozos inside to exit. Each would say to the other, "After you," "No, after you," "After you," "No, after you..." This went on until the door closed again, without "Kev" inside. When the door reopened, "Kev" held back from yanking the closest bozo out, thus ending the "after you" debate. This is "Kev's" biggest "pet-peeve." That, and the fact that Andy does not return my calls...

Sunday

Sunday doesn't get much better than this, does it? "Kev" will be back later this week but wanted to share this photo from the car wash.

Until then, enjoy...

Friday's HOT Guy...

"Kev" is very excited about this week's "HOT Guy," but not in an aroused way, because that would just be wrong... Like last week's Hot Guy(s), this "HA-TAY" is also happily married (with children) to a childhood friend, hence he is "straight" and not available to you, the general public. I should point out that ALL of "Kev's" friends are married to "HOT Guys" except Catherine in San Francisco, whose husband is, well, unfortunate looking. To her, he's Matt Damon and to me he is Matt Damon if Matt Damon suffered from Down Syndrome. Sorry Catherine... I can't pretend your husband is cute and please stop asking me this question repeatedly. I also will NEVER tell someone their baby is cute if it isn't. Life is harsh, even to "Kev." Catherine does, however, have the most ADORABLE baby (looks nothin' like her husband).

Back to our "HOT Guy..." While his picture speaks for itself (he's gorgeous), let me tell you a little about Jeff. "Kev" met Jeff in high school when he began dating "Kev's" childhood friend, Sara (whom you will all be reading about in a future installment of "Kev's Friends"). Jeff and Sara are part of "Kev's" permanent history for several reasons, meaning, I will never forget them. The first time "Kev" ever had alcohol and became subsequently "drunk" was at Jeff's house. Yes, Sara served up the Jagermeister (which I still can't drink to this day) while Jeff modeled his elephant G-string. (HOT, by the way...) Jeff is a "triple threat," as "Kev" would say. He is very smart, very kind, very fun and very talented. I guess that makes him a "quadruple threat". All of this equals, according to "Kev's" math, you guessed it, HOT!

Jeff is one talented mother-father (again, that's mother fucker, expressed as mother father because it is cute, catchy and non-offensive, used only for emphasis to express just how talented Jeff is). Jeff, I believe, plays every instrument known to man and performs in a band or two.

Jeff is a concerned citizen of our planet. Jeff has been heavily involved in utilizing alternative resources (solar panels) to power his home, while selling the excess back to the local power company. He has even educated others, giving lectures on this topic. I believe the family car is a hybrid and I am pretty sure the family recycles (which is just way too time consuming and confusing for "Kev" but to them I say, "Way to go!").

Jeff is also, hold onto your hats, an ATHLETE! Yes, if you "Google" Jeff, you will see that he has completed a marathon and also participates in many 5 and 10K's. Does it get any HOTTER than this? YES! Jeff is also the father of three blond-headed little cuties. (You're killin' us Jeff...)

I have to admit, too many years have gone by since I have last seen Jeff and Sara. "Kev" read, very dramatically, in their wedding 15 years ago (next month) and is still, to this day, honored to have been there. Jeff has always been "HOT" - not just for his movie star looks, i.e., bedazzling smile, bright eyes, great hair, HOT bod, (lucky bastard) etc., but for the person that he is and always was. CONGRATS to Jeff and Sara on their upcoming wedding anniversary! "Kev" looks forward to seeing you in October.

Let's raise our glasses to Jeff and say THANKS for being so damn HOT!

DinnerBack

Justin Timberlake will be promoting his latest CD, "FutureSex/LoveSounds" at The Tabernacle here in Atlanta (one of "Kev's" FAVORITE venues) this Sunday, August 20th at 9:00 p.m.. Unfortunately, despite his efforts,"Kev" does not have a ticket for the show and is VERY disappointed. A "not so" Great Day To Be Gay... Although, I may wait outside the back of The Tabernacle just to get a glimpse of Justin because he is just so cute (and I am just that gay).

Have you heard Justin's new song, "SexyBack?" If not, click HERE to watch the video (you'll love it). The gays go WILD when this is played at the clubs here in Atlanta.

Remember Justin's "I'm Lovin' It" campaign for McDonald's? When I hear "SexyBack," I can't help but wonder how this would translate into a commercial for the country's #1 fast food chain? Also, because I can't understand a damn word he is singing, I have been forced to create my own lyrics.

I have taken the liberty to revise/rewrite some of the words (don't tell Justin). If you listen/watch the video while reading the revised lyrics, it's the "mutt's nuts," or British for "super awesome." I also spent all afternoon (at work) on this (gotta please the readers), so I hope you will enjoy it...

"DinnerBack" (a rip off of Justin Timberlake, by "Kev")

I'm bringing DinnerBack
So hot 'n juicy and it's in a sack
So much cholesterol, it's a heart attack
So take your Rolaids cause you'll need them bad

Take 'em to the arch

(Bridge)
Hungry babe?
I see those french fries sittin' on your plate
Just add some ketchup and you'll be amazed
It's just that nothin' (not even Cameron) makes me feel this way

Take 'em to the arch

(Chorus)
Come here girl
Go ahead, be gone with it
Come to the Mac
Go ahead, be gone with it
Mickey D's
Go ahead, be gone with it
Shakes on me
Go ahead, be gone with it
Let me see what's on your tray
Go ahead, be gone with it
Look at that pie
You make me cry
Go ahead, be gone with it
Go ahead child
Go ahead, be gone with it
And get your dinner on
Go ahead, be gone with it
Get your dinner on
Go ahead, be gone with it
(repeat 6 frickin' times)

I'm bringing DinnerBack
Them other fast food chains don't know how to act
Just add some onion if you think it lacks
Cause it's your burger, gotta get it right

Take 'em to the arch

(Repeat Bridge)

You hungry? You hungry? You hungry?

I'm bringing DinnerBack
You mother-fathers want a heart attack
If that's your Big Mac, better watch your back
Cause I'll steal it from you and baby that's a fact

(Repeat Chorus)

You hungry? Yes! You hungry? Yes!

Ahhhh. Oooooo.

Shopping

"Kev" has received some criticism, or feedback, if you will, from certain "Kev's Corner" readers indicating, 1) no one, including the "gays," likes Paris Hilton and 2) "putting a picture up of a guy in his underwear isn't really a post..." To you I say, "duly noted" and thank you for your feedback (really). We here at "Kev's Corner" certainly do not want to piss off or lose any of our four readers and will work very diligently to present topics and photos that will appeal to you, the reader, each and every day.

To know "Kev" is to know that "Kev" (again, that's me) loves pop culture and will do anything to align himself with a celebrity. (I should be living in Hollywood...) And who wouldn't? They are rich, famous, have "yes" people and are usually better looking than the rest of "Kev's" friends (except YOU, of course - YOU'RE gorgeous).

You might know that "Kev" has met a celeb or two. Lest I, I mean, "Kev," brag, some of the celebrities he has met include Extreme Home Makeover's Ty Pennington (HOT), Stevie Nicks, of course (uber cool), The Eagles, Don Henley, motivational speaker, Anthony Robbins, Latin sensation, Shakira, country singer Trisha Yearwood (didn't like her - thought she was a bitch), model Rachel Hunter, comedian Mo'Nique (LOVED her), actor John Schneider, the cast of "Survivor: Australian Outback," actress Jenna Elfman, Olympic gold-medalist, Greg Louganis, and the list goes on and on. While I would like to say they are like you and me, I would only be lying to you. They're not. They're rich. They're "special."

Tonight I am here to tell you ladies and gentlemen that "Kev" not only KNOWS, but hold onto your pants, was in an "intimate" relationship with a VERY FAMOUS actor. No, it wasn't Leo DiCaprio (things just didn't work out with him) and it wasn't Doogie Howser M.D.'s Neil Patrick Harris, although I DO love him... It is my "ex," David. David is now a paid actor in San Francisco (isn't that exciting kids!).

David will be starring in "Shopping! The Musical" at the Shelton Theater in San Francisco starting in September and running through the duration of the year. I would like to think that I inspired David in some way, although David will be the first to tell you that I often, kindly, asked him NOT to sing.

"Shopping! The Musical" is a "musical comedy revue of original songs and sketches about everybody's FAVORITE activity. The fast-paced show targets all kinds of stores, customers and merchants, as it focuses on the frustrations, annoyances, and occasional joys of...what else...SHOPPING!"

("Kev" actually HATES shopping, crowds make him anxious, but I am sure "Kev" will LOVE hearing David singing about it.)

To David - CONGRATULATIONS, with love... Can't wait to see the show!

Visit the official "Shopping! The Musical" website at www.shoppingthemusical.com and go see David perform if you are in San Francisco this fall!

No Post Monday

"Kev" is on "holiday" today, ladies and gentlemen. He will be back tomorrow. In the meantime, please enjoy the photo of this man in his underwear...

Paris

Today at "Kev's Corner" we are featuring celebutante Paris Hilton. Let me say, for the record, I LOVE THIS BITCH! Lest you be offended, "bitch" is now a term of endearment and has been stripped of any derogatory or negative connotation the word once held, just ask Paris. It's OK to call your friends, parents, coworkers, children, pastor, teacher, even your boss, "bitch."

Paris, as everyone knows, is the great-granddaughter heiress to Conrad Hilton and is estimated to be worth $350 million dollars according to Forbes Magazine. In addition, Paris earns approximately $15 million a year for her work as a model and actress. She's penned a book, "Confessions of an Heiress," opened "Club Paris" in Orlando and Jacksonville and has fragrances bearing her name. For those that think she's as dumb as her "Simple Life" persona, think again. Paris is consistently featured on magazine covers around the world and is followed by paparazzi wherever she goes. We can't get enough of her.

Why gays like her...First, she is "HOT," and although we don't want to sleep with her, we secretly wish we were her (for at least a day anyway). She is super rich. She likes to shop. Paris exudes confidence that brings even those Hollywood bad-boys she dates to their knees. She dates guys named "Stavros." (I've decided I am calling my next BF "Stavros" whether his name is "Stavros" or not.) Paris started her own record label and then recorded her own CD. She doesn't like Lindsay Lohan and neither do we. Paris loves little dogs and her Kinkajou and SO DO WE! She wears a tiara and loves the color pink. While she didn't vote (or register to vote), she encouraged a lot of other people to in her, "Vote or Die" campaign (and that counts for something, doesn't it?). She trademarked, or tried to trademark, the phrase, "That's HOT" (so I am not even sure I can write that here). You get the point...Gays love Paris Hilton. Paris loves us too...Paris was recently quoted as saying her gay friends are the "most fun" and are "better dressed" than her heterosexual male friends. So hats off to Paris, with love.

Don't forget to watch "The Simple Life" season finale tonight at 10:00 p.m. (EDT) on E!

Click HERE to watch Paris's video hit, "Stars Are Blind" - it's HOT!

Fred

From today's news, (not "Kev's" head) sad, yet interesting...

NEW YORK (Aug. 11) -

Fred, the Undercover Kitten who gained fame earlier this year by posing as a would-be patient to help police nab a phony veterinarian, has died, authorities said Friday.

The 15-month-old tabby was killed Wednesday when he wandered into traffic and was run over by a car, according to the Brooklyn District Attorney's Office.

Fred was a rescued stray when he was enlisted by law enforcement in February. An undercover investigator posing as Fred's owner summoned the suspect to an apartment rigged with a hidden camera and pretended the kitten needed to be neutered. The man was arrested as he left carrying Fred in a box and cash for the operation.

Fred got his due at a news conference, where he sported a tiny badge on his collar. "He's pretty easygoing, a real Brooklyn guy," his caretaker, prosecutor Carol Moran, said at the time.

Fred ran out Moran's back door into her yard on Wednesday while Moran was attending to two dogs. "He had to have hopped several fences to escape the to the street," Moran said. Neighbors found his body in the road later that morning.

"Kev's" Post Script:
The picture of Fred, with his handler, was removed and replaced with the above photo of Prince Harry, who is also a really "cool" cat, and, well, a LOT sexier than the cat or the cat handler, who was just too unattractive to appear here on "Kev's Corner." "Kev" has also always preferred Harry over William. Harry is a lot sexier and is probably a lot more fun...

Friday's HOT Guy...

Most people would agree that, next to Saturday, Friday is the BEST day of the week. The pace is a bit slower, people are a little friendlier, and life, overall, is just a little nicer...Here at "Kev's Corner," we (and by that I mean, I) love Fridays NOT because I can blog in my underwear (it is casual day) but because Friday is the day we celebrate (and by celebrate, I mean exploit) another HOT Guy...

Today's "HOT Guy" installment is VERY special because we, OK, "I," am featuring not one, but TWO "HOT Guys..." Two for the price of one you might say (or in this case, two for free since they aren't being compensated in any way for this...)

While you may not see these guys on the cover of "GQ," "Men's Health," "People," or "International Male," (or the magazines "Kev" reads, "Playgirl," "Bel Ami" (that's French porn, it's sweet...) "Blue Boy," or "The Advocate") they are "hotties" in their own right. Move over Tom Cruise and Matthew McConaughey (we've had enough of you two) and make room for Hottie Scottie and Tiger Tim (names altered slightly to protect HOT Guy's anonymity).

I should start by telling my gay readers, the three of you, that these guys are not on the market. In fact, both are HETEROSEXUAL and HAPPILY MARRIED with children, which only adds to their heat index. So please don't steal their pictures and claim them as your "man."



First up, "Scottie." I met Scottie in the days of yore when he began dating my dear friend, his now wife, JoAnn (see "Kev's Friends"). There are MANY things I could write about Scottie starting with his upstanding character. I might mention the fact that he is an awesome husband and father, or write about how SMART and FUN he is ("Kev's" math: SMART + FUN = SEXY) or I could tell you that he has been a good friend to me throughout the course of many years. He ALWAYS let's me stay at the "W," his estate in the Western 'burbs (it's quite nice). He is someone that I have liked and respected for many reasons. Now lest I lose you, no one wants to read a homo's drivel, including me, let me cut to the chase and tell you the other qualities that make Scottie a "hottie." Whether you're a man, woman, gay, bi/confused/kidding yourself or straight, we all like "butts," "booties," "behinds," right? Scott, I mean, "Scottie," has one of the cutest, especially in his boxer shorts. My apologies, Scott, I've looked...Scott's eyes are beautiful, like "Bombay Sapphires" and he is someone you listen to no matter what he is talking about. Yes, "Kev" is jealous of his "seal-like" hair (it's quite nice). If all of this isn't enough, "Kev" happens to know that Scott is VERY romantic...While I am still waiting for my Valentine's Day card, the Valentine poems he wrote to his wife and children last year were priceless (really, you should ask to see them). So here's to my friend, "Scottie," THANKS for being so damn HOT!



Today's second "HOT Guy" hails from the desert and he is absolutely stunning (I LOVE him...). I met Tiger (yes, I really DO call him, "Tiger," "Handsome," "T-Bone" (that's just our ghetto-speak) or "Sexy" depending on my mood and since I often forget his first name. I actually had to call his wife, "Kitten," whose name also escapes me, to remind me what it was...) Anyway, I met both of these sexy felines in 1999. We became fast friends. I am now their "Main Gay" which is an honor equivalent to being knighted by the Queen. "Kitten" and "Tiger" also have the CUTEST daughter, ever, who I love, and call, "L'il Kitty." Like "Scottie," "Tiger" is also an amazing husband and father (I want them to adopt me). Tiger has a WICKED sense of humor and often makes me laugh without saying a word. Tim, I mean, "Tiger" has been an incredible friend throughout the years and, unfortunately, has seen "Kev" cry (again, see "Brutal Home Invasion" in future post). Tim is the kind of guy who never meets a stranger. He is the FIRST to offer his time and assistance to anyone in need. He has even, like "Kitten," volunteered his time as a camp counselor (how cute is that...). He is a "favorite" at his office, often turned to for advice and direction, despite urinating on a co-worker. He is SMART, WARM and COMPASSIONATE, which, as you guessed = HOT. Let me digress momentarily, as I often do...When "Kev" was a younger, more "dramatic" gay, every significant person or experience reminded me of a Stevie Nicks song. It's just what young gays do. My "song" for Tim is "Rooms On Fire" which is about someone so attractive and captivating that there is magic all around them. Gay? For sure! But it is true. Tim has "superhero" good looks, he is tall and tan with golden locks and eyes like stars ("Kev's" favorite) and he is a beautiful person on the inside as well. So here's to my friend, "Tiger," THANKS for being so damn HOT!

To view "Rooms On Fire" lyrics (again, "Kev's" tribute to Tiger) visit Stevie's official website at www.nicksfix.com.

"Kev's" Post Script:
Mrs. W, Scottie's missus, sent the picture you see above with a note to "Kev" that read, "My HOT Guy - 7 days a week." I thought that was so sweet that I just HAD to share it.

Bodies

"Bodies - The Exhibition" is now in Atlanta at the Atlanta Civic Center, through September 4, 2006.

Today, "Kev" called in "sick" and headed to the exhibit with a colleague, hoping to avoid the weekend crowd. Sure enough, we were sandwiched between two groups of "special" school children, one group in front of us and one group behind us. This ALWAYS happens to "Kev." The exhibit is already a little surreal (you see the body as you have NEVER seen it before, unless you perform autopsies, and then perhaps you have seen it like this). Throw in the musings of two dozen children, who are, what I can only politely describe as, "limited in intellectual or emotional development or academic progress" (yes, I mean retarded...I am sorry...) and it's quite an experience.

If you haven't seen it, "Bodies" displays the human form as it appears from the inside out. It is fascinating. I can tell you though, beauty is NOT skin deep, contrary to the popular cliche we spoon feed ugly people. Please stop telling your children this. It was, however, amazing to see the human body as you are not used to seeing it.

"Kev" learned MANY fun facts like, the heart pumps the equivalent of 5,000 to 6,000 quarts of blood each day and a sneeze can exceed the speed of 100 mph! Did you know that a single cigarette can shorten, on average, your life by two hours? I also learned you should not take 'tards to the exhibit (or at least avoid them at all cost) and that you shouldn't announce you called in "sick" on a public blog when you were, in fact, with a colleague at the aforesaid Bodies exhibit.

To learn more about the exhibit, as well as more "fun facts" about the human body, visit the official "Bodies - The Exhibition" website at www.bodiestheexhibition.com.

National Underwear Day

Believe me, or squeeze me, today is "National Underwear Day!"

An internet search on the history of underwear yields VOLUMES of information regarding the origins of undergarments and how they have evolved over time. (This same search will also yield MANY sites that may not be appropriate if surfing the internet at the office, so be careful.) There have even been books written on this topic, can you believe it? While I could devote this post to the transformation of a fig leaf to a thong, I will simply share my thoughts on underwear.

Most gay men (and women) I know love their underwear. Americans spend more than $13 BILLION dollars each year on "intimate apparel." As a matter of fact, there is a company that you may have heard of, "Undergear," that targets gay men specifically. This magazine has followed me for the past 15 years, although I never provide a forwarding address, nor have I subscribed to it. You see, when you "come out," you automatically receive a lifetime subscription. "Kev" actually went to high school with a guy (a really HOT one) that worked as a model for "Undergear..."

Wouldn't you love to be a teen today? These kids not only don't care if their underwear is showing, they get upset if it isn't. When I was growing up, the last thing I ever wanted anyone to see was my underwear. "Kev" has changed in this regard as well. While I still keep my pants pulled up, I will gladly show you my 2Xist collection.

All of this talk of underwear reminds me of a time when I was in my first relationship. My then "significant other" and I spent our first vacation in the Colorado mountains. Yes, it was ROMANTIC. By the way, "Kev" hates all those terms same-sex couples use to define themselves. Please, never, ever refer to someone as your "lover." This is just wrong. "Partner" is also not advised unless you are in business with the person. Anyway, back to my story...On our first day, we went horseback riding. The horse "Kev" was riding lost its' footing on a mountain cliff. While a little scary, both "Kev" and the horse were a-OK. "Kev" had a little "accident" though and did not want the BF to know...So I threw the underwear under the bed in our rented cabin. SSSSSSHHHHHHH, don't tell the maid. I later, many years later, disclosed to my then BF what happened, and we still laugh about that.

From all of us here at "Kev's Corner," HAPPY NATIONAL UNDERWEAR DAY!

To see HOT guys modeling underwear, visit "Undergear's" online catalogue at www.undergear.com.

It's A Great Day To Be Gay!

Whenever I am asked if I would have preferred to be straight vs. gay, I, probably like a lot of other 'mo's in the world, reply "Duh!" "Gay life," as you know, isn't always as fun and farcical as it appears here at "Kev's Corner" (unless you are Lance Bass). You've read the headlines. We can't marry. We can't serve in the military (which is "OK" with "Kev"...He HATES violence). Some of our friends and family disown us. Some even want to tie us to a fence and beat us (or we just happen to be on a really bad date). Sorry, a little morose, I know. We're expected to out-dress and out-decorate our straight male counterparts while being fun and witty, while still being able to banter about the weekend's game. Anyway, being gay comes with a LOT of responsibility and pressure (as would the Miss America or Miss Universe titles). Between you and me (and cyber space), it's no wonder most gay guys are real temperamental "bitches." Not "Kev" though...

At (almost) 40, I have learned to accept and embrace those "gay" things that I cannot change. I like Madonna. I like Ricky Martin. I saw Cher's "Farewell Tour" 6 times (and cried each time it ended). I like Paris Hilton's little dog. I want to BE Paris Hilton (except for the sex tape scandal - that's all her...). I like latte's and sheets that are at least 1,000 thread count. I like Justin Timberlake (a LOT). I even like Nick Lachey...We all know I LOVE Stevie Nicks. You get the picture. I am VERY gay (sorry Grandma...). So, knowing this, there are days I proclaim "Great Days To Be Gay" when I embrace and celebrate that which I cannot change. Today is one of those days...

You might know that the Dixie Chicks (Natalie, Martie & Emily) are making their way across the country to promote their latest CD, "Taking The Long Way" in their "Accidents & Accusations" tour. The "chicks" will perform at Philips Arena, here in Atlanta, on December 2nd and "Kev" has 5th row seats! Yes, friends, "It's A Great Day To Be Gay!" "Kev" has been a "chicks" fan for many years, has all of their CD's, and feels the need to support them now more than ever.

To Patrick, thanks for coming along! See you December 2nd! To JoAnn, you are the "coolest" mom, ever, for taking your daughter to the show...Finally, to Deborah, my dear, the "chicks" are NOT lesbians.

To learn all about the Dixie Chicks, visit their official website at www.dixiechicks.com

David Beckham

Like London's West End theatres, "Kev's Corner" is also dark (closed/not performing) today...Stay tuned though, "Kev" will be back tomorrow.

In the meantime, please enjoy this photo of England's David Beckham (who is just too sexy...).

Sincerely,

"Kev"

Phoenix

Phor my phriends in Phoenix...

As you know, "Kev" lived in Phoenix for a combined period of phive years. By the way - I LOVE talking about myself in the third person. Try it - you will love it too! Phor those of you that don't live there, they (the local government) require residents to replace all words that begin with "F" with "Ph," as sort of an homage to the city...They actually teach this in the schools which is probably why Arizona has some of the dumbest kids in the country*, after the state of Georgia, of course. *This excludes any of YOUR children, whom are, without a doubt, Einsteins. I am simply referring to published statistics.

Phoenix is one of the most beautiful cities I have been to. The sky is full of stars (and police helicopters). I consider Phoenix a second home, which makes sense because most second homes are burglarized when left unattended, as my Phoenix home was when I was at work (see future post titled "Brutal Home Invasion"). Anyway, I digress...Although I no longer live there, Phoenix holds MANY memories for "Kev." Phoenix was the first city I moved to when I left my hometown of Chicago 10 years ago. I phormed phriendships that have been long standing (as well as met many phreaks whom I phorget.)

Phoenix is the birth place of Stevie Nicks and Stevie still maintains a home in Paradise Valley (on Yucca Drive, in a gated community called "Finestere," but you can't knock on her door because she will have you arrested). "Kev" was able to drive past Stevie's home one time when a lesbian friend who worked for UPS let "Kev" ride along on her route one day. "Kev" was in uniform and everything. Although there were no packages for Stevie that day, it was the closest I got to her home and it was VERY exciting. Many of Stevie's desert songs are about Phoenix and her town of Paradise Valley (unless she is singing about the Gulf or Iraq wars, which also contain desert references and the senseless loss of young life associated with war).

The intent of this post was to discuss that the Phoenix police announced on Phriday that they have apprehended two suspects in Mesa, Arizona, who are the alleged serial killers responsible for killing six people and wounding 18 others since May of 2005.

This is PHABULOUS news and "Kev" is relieved.

To my phriends in Phoenix, you continue to be in my thoughts daily...and I miss you.

Queer Eye...

In case you haven't heard, the jury is still out regarding the fate of "Queer Eye," which airs on BRAVO Tuesday nights at 10:00 p.m. (EDT).

While BRAVO states (according to what I have read on the web, which is ALWAYS reliable) that the "Fab 5" will return for the 2007 season, the "rumor" is that the cast hasn't been asked back yet...

What will life be like without the gay guidance of Carson Kressley (fashion), Kyan Douglas (grooming), Thom Filicia (interior design), Ted Allen (food & wine) and Jai Rodriguez (culture)? These guys are gay "royalty," or "Alpha Gays," that "Kev" loves. Say it isn't so, BRAVO!

Before they go, however, there is one demographic they haven't tapped...The dead guy. I know, this is a little macabre, I'm sorry, but I would like to see the Fab 5 spend one episode at a funeral home serving a population that is, if you ask me, in a rut. Forget the grey suit, pine box, and standard "out-of-the box" eulogy...

This (purely fictional) episode opens with the guys traveling in their black SUV to meet the corpse. Thom would read the guy's dossier and reveal something like, "It says he weighed 300 pounds and died of an acute coronary embolism!" Carson would proclaim, "Jesus Christ, Superstar!"

Upon arrival at the funeral home, the guys would assess the situation (i.e., dead guy) and do their magic.

Jai would take the dead guy aside and say something lame and trite as Jai always does..."OK, tonight is a special night for you...You will be having a LOT of visitors. You want to make this memorable. Have you thought about what you want to say?" All the while, Jai has had the life experiences of most 12-year-olds, but it's OK because he is young and cute and has great hair.

Next up, Carson, the FUNNIEST of the "Queer Guys"..."How you dress affects how you feel about yourself. Even if you're dead, you still want to be clean and fresh and look good because, who knows, you may come back one day." "I say go out like a rock star! Red leather pants are the ticket. They will provide the most stretch because they are natural skin, and hey, you will be wearing them for a REALLY long time, so this is important." Carson's tip..."To distress leather, use fine gauge sand paper." "For your shirt, a simple v-neck tee will do the trick. I like to give my tee's a yanking to make them look a little more worn (like me)."

Thom, who is my favorite, would then discuss the casket. "You're going to be spending a LONG time in this box. It should say something about YOU. We will use earth tones, from the beige family, and line the interior with taffeta pillows. Don't forget to pack your favorite pillow case. It'll help you rest (for eternity) easier. Bring along a travel candle. They come in a safe metal tin and they create great atmosphere." Then Thom would say something glib, which is why I like him the best, like, "Or we can line this with glass and put fish in there."

Kyan, the "hottest" "Queer Eye Guy," would lend his grooming tips...Your skin is already a little dry and you look a bit sullen. Using a moisturizer with SPF 15 will keep your skin hydrated while combating the sun's harmful rays, should they make there way six feet under." "We are also going to fill your cheeks with cotton to eliminate that sunken in look, which is never attractive." Kyan's tip..."Whether you're a knight in shining armor or just a clumsy scissor sister, sometimes you cut yourself. If you don't have a first aid kit, try honey. It actually has antibacterial properties. Plus it makes licking your wounds all the more tasty!" (Kyan's "queenier" than Carson, don't you think?)

Finally, Ted would consult the dead guy regarding the after funeral buffet the loved ones will enjoy post burial. "Forget the standard funeral fare." "First, start with Mojito martinis to elevate the mood." "For starters, why not serve shrimp wrapped in pancetta?" "For the main course, a Tandori-style ostrich breast with a yogurt cilantro sauce will have the crowd talking for days." "To round out the evening, a no-bake chocolate souffle with a raspberry glaze will leave them speechless." Then Ted would impart some gay food and wine tip, such as, "Cooking with wine? You don't have to use the good stuff but don't go too low brow. And NEVER use anything labeled "cooking wine." It's got salt in it. A good rule of thumb, never cook with anything you wouldn't drink."

The episode would close with the queer guys back at their "lair" watching the befuddled dead guy work through his tasks, preparing for his funeral, via their video monitor. Ted would say, "Oh, he is using too much cilantro in the yogurt sauce and he is over cooking the ostrich!" Carson would quip, "But look at his ASS in those pants!" "I think he is going to need more moisturizer," Kyan would add. The should would end as the queer guys toast the dead guy with their own Mojito martinis to a job well done. Jai would be reduced to tears, balled up in the corner of the sofa as Jai always is.

Friday's HOT Guy...

It has been one week since Lance Bass proclaimed, "I'm Gay!" The best part about this is that it is yet another excuse to post a picture of Lance's uber sexy boyfriend, Reichen Lehmkuhl...

Reichen is also the very FIRST "Friday's HOT Guy" to be featured here at "Kev's Corner." ("Kev" LOVES him...)

About Friday HOT Guys... Every Friday, "Kev" will highlight some sexy stud that he thinks you also might enjoy. "Kev" realizes this concept is not unique and other blogs and many "gay" magazines also contain a "HOT Guy" segment, but we (OK, I) hope you will enjoy this weekly feature.

To Reichen, "THANKS, for being so damn HOT!"

Barney

Occasionally, "Kev" is just too tired to think of anything witty, droll, flippant or farcical to write. Today is one of those days...Please enjoy this article that made headlines in today's news that "Kev" thinks is witty, droll, flippant and farcical...

(Reported by the Associated Press)

LONDON (Aug. 2) - A guard dog has ripped apart a collection of rare teddy bears, including one once owned by Elvis Presley, during a rampage at a children's museum.

"He just went berserk," said Daniel Medley, General Manager of the Wookey Hole Caves near Wells, England, where hundreds of bears were chewed up Tuesday night by the 6-year-old Doberman Pinscher named Barney.

Barney ripped the head off of a stuffed bear once owned by the young Presley during the attack, leaving fluffy stuffing and bits of bears' limbs and heads on the museum floor. The bear, named Mabel, was made in 1909 by the German manufacturer Steiff. The collection, valued at more than $900,000, included a red bear made by Farnell in 1910 and a Bobby Bruin made by Merrythought in 1936.

The bear with Elvis connections was owned by English aristocrat Benjamin Slade, who bought it at an Elvis memorabilia auction in Memphis, TN, and had loaned it to the museum. "I've spoken to the bear's owner and he is not very pleased at all," Medley said.

A security guard at the museum, Greg West, said he spent several minutes chasing Barney before wrestling the dog to the ground.

Stevie Nicks

Anyone who knows "Kev" (that's me) knows the life-long obsession "Kev" (again, me) has had with Stevie Nicks...I can't explain it, don't understand it, but I L-O-V-E, LOVE this woman and everything she sings. I have connected with her music and it has touched me. She is, to me, the best poet, ever...

A long time ago, when I was a young man, I often had dreams of meeting Stevie. Exciting? Yes! The dreams, however, were a little scary, as some dreams are, and entailed me chasing Stevie, never to catch her. That dream, however, has been realized. No, not the one of me chasing her you silly... The one of MEETING her! "Kev" first met Stevie in 2000 and has met her four times since. Shaking her hand from the front row has also become common place and I cannot even tell you how many times I have been fortunate enough to do this. Each time I have met Stevie (and talked with her backstage), she has been VERY gracious, VERY kind, and VERY "cool." Just what you would expect from a Rock 'n Roll icon. "Kev" has also seen Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac for a combined total of 37 times throughout his 25, OK, 30, alright, 39 years...She is my "Elvis."



Now I dream that we are friends and we sit at the piano together singing her songs and writing new ones, usually about the men in our lives, who, as Stevie would say, are "priests of nothing."

Stevie Nicks's music has been in my life since the age of 7. I even have a picture, as a child, of myself standing in front of a Fleetwood Mac poster in my bedroom. A little "gay?" Maybe.

This is the first, in what I suspect of many, posts devoted to Stevie and her music.

Stevie is touring this summer (in select cities) with Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers and the reviews have been FANTASTIC. For those of you here in Atlanta, Stevie will join Tom Petty at Hi Fi Buys on Friday, September 22nd.

To learn all about Stevie and her music, visit her official site at www.nicksfix.com.

Watch Stevie perform "Dreams" by clicking HERE.

Remember, "When the rain washes you clean, you'll know. You will know."

As Stevie would say, "Much love..."

(and then she would draw a heart)

Kev's Friends

Welcome to the first edition of "Kev's Friends!" "Kev" (that's me) has been fortunate to develop and maintain some pretty special friendships throughout the years. Once a month, "Kev's Corner" will feature one of "Kev's" special friends (until he has exhausted them all and then he will feature "Kev's Men," a section devoted to guys "Kev" has slept with).

Because this is the FIRST edition of "Kev's Friends," I thought it befitting to write about the person that I have known the longest...My dear friend, JoAnn W. JoAnn and I grew up near one another and met in Middle School. Because we were both exceptionally gifted, we had many of the same classes together (language arts, P.E., choir and lunch). Again, I can't emphasize enough, we were gifted. I still remember JoAnn back then - bright-eyed, full of energy, always talking, always making me laugh. In her 30-something years, JoAnn has not changed in that respect.

JoAnn, who I sometimes refer to as "Princess," (not because she is rich or spoiled, but because she is just so dear to me) is the younger sister I wished I had. Being the "younger sister," however, she always knew how to push my buttons, often with just a look.

JoAnn stuck with me throughout the times I held "Sunday School" for classmates, quoting from the Bible, as we waited in the cold for our school bus. Whenever someone would swear, "Kev" would pull out his Bible (it's true) and remind them that Jesus didn't use curse words, and neither should they (see "Campus Life Years" or "Cult For Kevie" in future post). JoAnn also reminds me of the time I would arrive at that same bus stop wearing a scarf tied like an ascot inside my "Members Only" jacket (see "Thespian Years" in future post). JoAnn is the kind of friend that will NEVER let you take yourself too seriously.

Fun JoAnn "factoid" - JoAnn grew up with and in the house right next door to Billy Corgan of the "Smashing Pumpkins."

In the early days, I also spent a considerable amount of time at JoAnn's home with JoAnn and her parents. I quickly learned that her parents, Carole and Ed, played a BIG part in making JoAnn so WONDERFUL. While this is "Kev's Friends" and not "Kev's Friends Parents," I would just like to say that I adore them both (and also consider them "Kev's Friends"). Ed is a real "man's man" who NEVER made me feel ashamed of being gay. Carole ALWAYS, to this day, makes me feel "special" (not retarded). Carole is to cooking as DaVinci is to art. She is very cute and fun and I just love her. To them, I say "THANK YOU" for being my friend and for creating one of my very BEST friends.

Back to JoAnn. (This is, after all, supposed to be about her and I know she won't appreciate ANY deviation.) JoAnn was a consistent presence in my "coming out" years. She actually even took it upon herself to tell all the girls I had dated that I was gay. In hindsight, THANK YOU! I wasn't sure how to tell them myself. JoAnn and I also worked together at The Drake Hotel (the one in OakBrook, not the nice one downtown). After long hours of hard labor, JoAnn and I would head to "Boys Town" (Chicago's gay neighborhood) where, "the world was our oyster," or at least a really fun place to meet LOTS of wacky people. Our favorite club was "Christopher Street" (which is now called, "Manhole"). When JoAnn was with me, we often got in for free and were given free drinks to boot (we weren't even 21). I should mention that we always designated who would drink and who would drive (or drink less). We were responsible under-age drinkers. Back then we danced to the sounds of Madonna ("Material Girl"), Rick Astley ("Never Gonna Give You Up"), Whitney Houston ("I Wanna Dance With Somebody") and we even MET the Pet Shop Boys, whose manager called "Kev" the very next day (yes, he wanted to "sex Kev up"). JoAnn met Harry Belafonte's son. It was a very exciting and fun time. Everybody LOVED JoAnn (she usually left with more phone numbers than I did) and most nights I had to tell JoAnn when it was time to go. I will never forget exploring "Little Jim's" with JoAnn..."Little Jim's" is a really nasty, dirty, leather bar where old men smoke, drink and watch gay porn. Girls don't usually go to "Little Jim's" (neither did "Kev"). JoAnn and I meandered through one night. Instead of the required leather attire, JoAnn wore her turned-up collar Izod and penny loafers and Kev wore something as equally '80's. We laughed and laughed until we couldn't take the glares and stares we were receiving. Good times. (I did try to shield JoAnn from seeing the gay porn...)

I don't recall the year, I refer to it as our "Entertainment Book" phase, (remember those two-for-one coupon books) when JoAnn met a fella named Scott. Scott lived in Villa Park, which was the wrong side of the tracks if you had asked me (although that is the same town Kev's FIRST BF, Randy, lived in. He WAS from the wrong side of the tracks, which made him exciting). JoAnn mentioned that Scott was in the computer business and created computer games. I wondered, "what kind of future can you have with a guy who plays computer games?" I am going to have a real career as a Social Worker. Low and behold, Scott and JoAnn's relationship progressed and they eventually married (isn't that romantic).

In 1994, Scott and JoAnn "welcomed" their first child, Grace. (Why do we say "welcomed" when a child is born? This seems strange to me, like we're meeting a foreign exchange student at the airport. "Long-Wu, WELCOME to AMERICA!") JoAnn was my first friend to have a child and "Kev" was at the hospital that July night. Their second child, Joey, was born three years later. JoAnn's children are like my niece and nephew. Both talented, smart, and fun. They are also well-behaved and DO NOT get on my nerves like most children do. I love them.

JoAnn and Scott are amazing people, parents and citizens of their community. It is difficult to put into words how FABULOUS they are and there isn't enough room in cyber space to recount the MANY fun times I have had with JoAnn and her family.

These days, JoAnn is the PRESIDENT of the P.T.A. and valued member of the neighborhood Bunco team (which "Kev" has sat in on as a sub). She, like her mother, is a WICKED cook and makes the most "righteous" cookies. We speak to one another often and she still makes me laugh hysterically. She has an uncanny wit and is really one of the funniest people I have ever met (I have begged her to write something for this blog). She is the most dedicated wife and mother, ever. Her home is welcoming and inviting and I never want to leave when I am visiting.

To Princess, what can I say? Thank you for 26 years of friendship! You're the best. I absolutely treasure you...